Monday, April 20, 2015

Why is confidence so important and how do I get me some?!?!? Part 1




Confidence is something i have struggled with for a really long time. I wanted to take the next week, and share my views, opinions - and see if my words can help anyone out there. No one should have to struggle, and it breaks my heart seeing some many children struggling with confidence, their parents struggling with confidence, and bullies struggling with confidence that they feel like knocking people down is the only way to build themselves up.

I hope you enjoy this blog series....Please feel free to comment & share!


Confidence is the foundation for everything in life. Our confidence, or lack there of, directly affects HOW we do everything in life.

Simply, you have a choice. Stay stuck in your rut - or do something to bring yourself up. You can not rely on others to raise you up. This is something you must do on your own.

When we know and appreciate who we are, we feel great about ourselves and we make better choices and better decisions.



When we make better choices and better decisions, we create a better life for ourselves.

When we create a better life, we are much happier.Everything is based on our self-confidence!

It is extremely important in every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. I know I am one of those people. I have struggled for such a long time. I perfected the smile, I perfected speaking ill about myself before others had the chance to, I perfected hiding my feelings deep down in my soul.

It’s a world-wide problem that people of all ages, genders and races can have.

Our confidence is perfectly intact when we are born, but diminishes during our childhood. We lose a little of it when we make mistakes, fail, misbehave, get in trouble, feel guilty, neglect ourselves, and/or do things we are ashamed of. When we allow outside people's thoughts and judgments rent a space in our minds.

Here are some of my thoughts on what happens when we have confidence in ourselves.



  1. Greater self worth: the more self confidence you have, the more you value yourself and your capabilities. It turn this means the more valuable you feel; the more you can create the effect of naturally holding your head up high, since you have higher self esteem and are proud of who you are
  2. More happiness and enjoyment: for all the reasons above, the more self confident you are, the happier you are with yourself; as a result, the more you always enjoy life. You're willing to try new and exciting things, you eager to share the love. 
  3. Freedom from self doubt: the more self confident you become, the more free you become of the mental torture of doubting yourself. You stop questioning whether you're 'really' valuable, or capable of achieving things you want to achieve.
  4. Greater strength and capabilities: the more self confident you are, the stronger and more powerful you feel. Naturally you grow stronger and more confident when encountering challenges, rather than feeling weakened, crippled, and defeated by them
  5. Freedom from fear and anxiety: the more self confident you become, the more you know that you can accept, handle, learn, gain, and benefit from any situation, circumstance, or outcome. You will replace fear and anxiety with greater confidence in yourself and your abilities, and your confidence will radiate, others will feed off of that
  6. Freedom from social anxiety: the more secure you feel in your self worth, regardless of how others see you, the less concerned you are with what others might or might not think of you in social situations
  7. More peace of mind and less stress: freedom from self doubt, fear, and anxiety naturally translates into greater peace of mind and a more stress-free life
  8. More energy and motivation to act: the more confident you are that you can achieve things you want to achieve (like personal goals or dreams), the more motivated and energized you are to take action to achieve them. No longer will you be saying I cant, this is to hard - but rather what can i tackle next! 
  9. More beneficial and enjoyable interactions with others: the happier and more confident you are, the more relaxed, comfortable, and at ease you are, and this naturally puts others at ease more around you. People tend to trust, respect, value, welcome, and cooperate with you more; the overall result is better and more enjoyable social interactions
  10. Better sleep & health: less fear and anxiety + less stress + more peace of mind + more happiness = you enjoying the health benefits of being more self confident, including better quality of sleep
  11. Greater success: in case it's ever been a mystery to you why self confident people are naturally more successful, now you can clearly understand why there is such a high correlation between self confidence and success; each of the above benefits helps you achieve things you want to achieve faster and easier, which means you enjoy more success in life

How important is confidence?


It is important to appreciate that one of the most important benefits of being more self confident is that it naturally helps you become stronger and stronger over time, with everything you encounter and experience, rather than weaker and weaker. Our confidence has a big impact on how we enjoy life. Many people have self-limiting beliefs and bad habits that hold them back from achieving optimal success and the living the life they have dreamed about. Nothing is more powerful than confidence and being confident changes everything!

How the effects of low self confidence weaken you...

Consider what happens when you have low self confidence, and you feel like you can't possibly accept or handle someone rejecting you in any way.

Taking this into consideration, not only are you terrified of putting yourself out there, and 'risking' rejection, but if you are rejected, it naturally feels like a nightmare to you, and makes you even more frightened of risking rejection in the future. For me - that would send me straight for the cookie jar.

In this way, low self confidence (or a lack of self confidence) naturally makes you weaker and weaker over time. Your soul, your essence slowly "dies", you put up walls in order to protect yourself. When in reality these walls are doing nothing but hurting you even more. You do not allow anyone in, to see the real you. You do not allow anyone to help you. You do not help yourself. You start to self destruct.
How the benefits of high self confidence strengthen you

On the other hand, if you have high self confidence, you know that you can easily accept and handle someone rejecting you, and as a result, you're not afraid or anxious of putting yourself in situations where you might be rejected. And, if you are rejected, you see how easily you can shake it off and keep moving forward. You emerge stronger than ever with such proof of how strong and capable you are.

In this way, high self confidence naturally makes you stronger and stronger over time. Your confidence radiates strength, passion and conviction.

When you consider all this, it's a no-brainer: not only is it worth your time and effort to become a more self confident person, but it's also worth your time to develop a high degree of self confidence that will always benefit you in life, and make your life easier and more rewarding in every way.

Easier said than done right??? 

Do you want to be more self confident?

The most important question, right now, is this: do you want to increase your self confidence and become a more self confident person?

If the answer is no, then you are wasting your time reading this blog post. If the answer is yes - then I would love for you to read on.


Tough Love

I am a very loud person. I wasnt always, because I tended to keep "Martha" under wraps. Yes I love staying positive, yes I love helping others, yes I will put myself out there to help lift you up. But sometimes, I need to show you some tough love. Not because I want to hurt your feelings, but because someone needs to help you get off the pity train and the vicious cycle of bashing yourself.

One thing I have learned over the years, and especially in this last year is...this is my life. I am in control. I am in charge. I am the one in the driver's seat. If you dont like my driving, the slow lane is to the right. I am not everyone's cup of tea, and thats OK. I love me, I love my equal parts of brashness and sensitivity, I love my truck driver mouth, I love my sense of loyalty. I love giving support & motivation.

What i have learned is that the most important factor for becoming more self confident is to simply want to develop greater confidence in yourself, and to be decisive about taking action to do so, regardless of whether anyone else wants you to become more self confident or not.
Comparison, looking for approval from others - is the fastest way to take all the joy out of your life…You are more than enough – avoid comparison like the plague.

Forgive yourself. You have screwed up in the past, you will do it again. Guilt shame and criticism is one of the most destructive things you can do. That is why forgiveness is the most powerful . You are not alone – get over it. You are preventing yourself from enjoying your life, but constantly being down on yourself. This is something you need to remind yourself daily. It will take a long time to really believe in what your saying – take that time. Love yourself – you are worth it

If you are going to get anyone near your full potential in life, DO NOT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME GIVING A CRAP about WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF YOU. Imagine how liberating that will be. The only things you need to worry about when making decisions about your life:

  1. Is this something i want to be do or have
  2. is this going to take me in the direction i want to go
  3. is this going to screw over anyone else in the process 

When we live in fear, we do ourselves an injustice. Its OK to boot yourself from the posse you have
associated with for so long. If nothing positive is coming from it, and it is holding you back - it doesnt matter if people will be upset or disappointed - they werent doing anything for you anyway. Kick them to the curb, save yourself. Do what you love, surround yourself with people who lift you up, who you relate to, people who can match your positive energy. There have been many people in my life I have had to "divorce". I am stronger for it. I do not regret knowing any one of these people, or spending time with them. Each relationship, each experience - has taught me a valuable lesson. And one of those lessons was that people are put in your path for a reason. To lift you up, to teach you a lesson, to open you up to different experiences. But it is UP TO YOU to allow them to stay.

You are the only one responsible for what you say and do. How you react, how you absorb information and use that to your advantage. Someone else didnt put you in the rut your in. Someone else is not going to get you out. You have to want to be out of the rut. You have to want to stop being negative and looking for things to complain about. You have to stop thinking nothing is going to work for you and putting all that negative energy out there. Everything starts with you.

With this clarity of mind, you are already well on your way to developing greater confidence in yourself and your abilities.

If you're thinking, 'I want to be confident, but I don't know how', that's fine.

Provided you have already learned what self confidence is, all this means is that your next step is to learn more about how to start developing it in a simple, easy way.

Your confidence like an unused muscle that needs to be developed. And like any muscle, it never stays the same for any period of time. It will either get stronger or weaker depending on how you use it. When you build your confidence it’s like exercising a muscle. It relies on small improvement on a daily basis. You cannot run out to the gym and expect to have perfect muscles for life in just one hour. Consistent confidence building is the only way to lasting confidence and happiness.

It’s never too late to become confident and live the life you've dreamed of! We ALL deserve to be happy and to be living the life we dream of. With dedication and determination you can learn to love and trust yourself unconditionally –and everything in your life changes for the better once you do!

This whole week is all about confidence....so Stayed tuned to parts 2,3 and 4 on "Why is confidence so important and how do I get me some!!"


If you want me to email you all the updates & parts drop me a line here....

Thinking you are ready to start your health and fitness journey? I would love to talk with you.....drop me a line here and lets get started!