Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Why is confidence so important and how do I get me some?!?!? Part 2

Hi Everyone!!

I am so glad you are back for Part 2 of my blog series....Why is self confidence so important - and how do I get me some. Hopefully you read part 1, if not you can find it here.

Self-confidence, is an essential part of life. You can even take it further and break it into 2 parts. Self-efficacy and Self-esteem. Self-efficacy is the internal belief that we can accomplish so many tasks or goals throughout our life. Self-esteem, is more related to believing we are competent in what we do, and that we deserve to be happy in life. So its ok to say that a person with self-confidence generally likes herself, she is willing to take risks to achieve her personal and professional goals, and thinks positively about the future. Therefore, someone who lacks self-confidence, tends to have a negative perspective about herself and what she hopes to gain in life, tends to hide her true self and the pain they are in.

I am not telling you all something you don't know. We all fall into one of these categories. And sometimes we even flip and flop between the 2. Things we need to keep in mind?!?! Staying to long on the negative side, we slowly but surely destroy you. You become emotionally and physically drained and useless. You, your loved ones - you all suffer around you. The good news is that self-confidence is something that you can build on your own, nurture and grow as years go on.

Some tips that I use on a daily basis

  • Identify your negative thoughts. Your negative thoughts might sound like this: "I can't do that," "I will fail", "no one wants to hear what I have to say," "I'm fat and gross." This inner voice is pessimistic and so beyond unhelpful. It will hold you back from achieving anything you want in life. The purpose of identifying your negative thoughts is not to sit around and dwell on them, and be a one person show at your pity party. You need to become more self-aware so that you can tell that voice to shut up, and begin to think more positively.

  • Target negative thoughts and replace them with positive thought. As you pay attention to your negative thoughts, turn them around to positive thoughts. It can be as simple as positive affirmations. Try to change your negative thoughts into a corresponding positive thought by “twisting” the way that you are thinking. For example, change “I feel fat” to “I have awesome curves and I’m taking steps to live a healthier lifestyle.” Everyday write 3 affirmations down and hang them when you can see them - repeat them to yourself all day long. 

  • Refuse to allow negative thoughts to occur more often than positive thoughts. Eventually, your positive thoughts should be given more “brain space” than your negative thoughts. The more you counter your negative self-thinking with positivity, the more natural this will become.

  • Maintain a positive support network. Connect with those close to you, whether they are family or friends, to keep your perspective uplifted. Furthermore, stay away from people or things that make you feel bad. It is OK to remove people from your life. Not everyone you meet was brought to you to stay forever. Some were brought to you for a lesson, and then they have to go.

  • Eliminate external reminders of your negativity. Avoid spending time around things that can make you feel bad about yourself again. These might be reminders from the past, clothing that no longer fits, or places that don’t fit with your new goals of gaining confidence. Though you may not be able to get rid of every negative source in your life, you can certainly think about how to cut your losses. This will go a long way in building your self-confidence up.

  • Identify your talents. Dont sit here and tell me you have no talents. Everyone is good at something. You may be a great listener, a fantastic chef. You may have beautiful writing skills, etc. So discover the things at which you excel, and then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Dont worry about how other people see your talents because they arent their talents they are YOURS! Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, or dance. Find something you enjoy and but 100% into it. Adding a different interests or hobbies into your life will not only make you more confident, but your chances of meeting like minded and good friends increases!
  • When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence.
  • Take pride in yourself. Not only should you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about the things that make your personality great. It can be your sense of humor, your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to cope under stress. You may not think that there's anything about your personality worth admiring, but if you dig deep, you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable qualities. Focus on them by writing them down.

  • Accept compliments. How hard is this one!!!!???? People with low self-esteem have difficulty taking compliments; they assume that the person complimenting them is either mistaken or lying. If you find yourself rolling your eyes, saying, "Yeah, right," or shrugging it off, or coming back with some unflattering comment about yourself, you need to rethink your response to compliments ASAP. 

  • Respond in a positive manner. Say thank you. Smile. You can practice these things you know... Allow the person that is giving you the compliment know that you really appreciate it, and work to reach the point where you are able to truly accept the compliment at heart.

  • Look in the mirror and smile. Look at yourself. Dont turn your head, dont pretend with yourself. Look hard at yourself and smile. Tell yourself your beautiful. Tell yourself you are worth it. Studies suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register or intensify certain emotions. If you are like me and suffer from Bitchy Resting Face - we have extra work to do :) Other people will likely respond to you well when you smile at them, so in addition to making yourself feel happier, you may get a boost in confidence due to the feedback you get from other people as well.

So there are my tips for you. I hope these help you or someone you love in some way.

Lack of confidence, and low self esteem - the fear of failure are things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years. I didnt have what was needed to overcome that fear.

By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem, especially without really thinking of it in those terms, is what I’ve been doing over the last year. It has put me in such a better place physically & emotionally and is helping me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.

I would love to connect with you, invite you along on my journey and help you create yours. Exercise and personal development have worked wonders for me. If you want more information, connect with me here.